Forgiveness and the wilderness

At our Shabbat service yesterday, the congregation had the opportunity to listen to a family sing praises to Yeshua. Now while it's not entirely unusual for someone in the congregation to talk about something they are doing or something that happened in their lives, this family, this group of nine children and their parents, had recently lost their three week old infant brother, Benjamin. The congregation had a memorial service and it was the family's way of thanking everyone who had supported them through that time.

After their presentation, Alan, the teacher, spoke on the wilderness or the wilderness experience. We all go through them. Abraham, Jacob and Jesus went through them. He defined the wilderness as an environment of separation, a place where everything would be provided for you. A place of testing. A place where we meet up with who we really are. At the end, Alan stated that we are to "embrace the desert experience" because we become dependent on God.

Hmm. How about a 40 day, all expense paid tour of a place that's hot and dry. No rivers or lakes for miles. Just lots and lots of sand and heat. Oh, and I almost forgot. Your tour guide is God and He promises to be with you through all of it. He'll help you make all the right choices, if you let Him, and when your tour is through, you'll be a better person for it.

I like the better person part. I even like the God part. But how do you pass the test, or, better yet, what is your test?

Let's just begin by saying that when I heard this sermon, I didn't exactly like what I heard. It wasn't one of those rousing "let's go and serve God when we get out of here" sermons. But it was something that I needed to hear.

My wilderness right now is learning to forgive. As I think I've stated here before, I think I am a forgiving person. However; life is about to change. I'm moving on and the future doesn't seem so certain. This change was caused by a combination of things, some of which is my fault, but some of which is not.

In thinking about all this, I asked God the following:

"Lord, how did you forgive?
Honestly, how did you die for the sins of the world?
How large is your heart?
How do you love people who just want to hurt you or reject you?
How did it not break you or your heart?
Can I ever forgive?"

I'm not entirely sure how God will answer those longings in my heart.

It seems that there's an all-expense paid trip to a wilderness in my future.

Till next week....