The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Now anyone who knows me well know that I don't usually go around spouting quotes from Gandhi, but I feel that it's appropriate to the season I've been in. Forgiveness is a universal truth, along with "what goes around comes around" (or "karma is a boomerang," which I have quoted on many occasions). When something hurtful happens in your life, it's easy to get angry, to hold a grudge.
Forgiveness is the road less traveled.
Unforgiveness is something I've struggled with all my life, especially when I've been hurt. It's never been easy for me to move on. The last four years have been a struggle. Lots of things happened. My husband and I moved back home after being away for seven years. Our marriage suffered with all the moving around and there was a time we were seriously considering separating. I went through menopause. On top of all of that, I worked at a job where I felt that I was constantly picked apart. Nothing I did was right. I did my best, but in the the end, I was the one who left.
It was all too much.
I'm not going to go into a lot of details about what happened on my job those last few months. There are a few people that know, like my husband and a few trusted friends. They were the ones that prayed for me, even when I didn't ask. When I left, they understood.
The last few months have been a life lesson in forgiveness. The day I left, I got very sick. I struggled with a cold that wouldn't go away. I cried. I searched the scriptures, finding comfort in God's words. I wrote and found that I could forgive those who had hurt me.
And so I forgave.
I remember reading a passage in Joyce Meyer's devotional one day which, oddly enough, was about forgiveness. She wrote that God honors the act of forgiving, even though the emotions aren't there. Things will come up and you have to deal with them. It's part of the healing process.
And life goes on and while I still struggle (this morning is a good example), I'm doing just fine. It helps that I'm teaching again and while that's been difficult, I work with the most wonderful, supportive group of people. They have faith in me and my abilities. As I said to one of my Facebook friends the other day, I never thought I'd say this, but I love my job.
There are other things too. I've reconnected with my mother and my family. I take my mother-in-law grocery shopping. I'm enjoying my new home. I'm even writing again. Best of all, I don't yell at my husband anymore (well, that's not exactly true. I still yell at him occasionally, just to keep him on his toes).
And so, this is a fitting end to this blog. No more journeys to dark places, at least for a while, anyway. I plan to continue blogging, though about what I have no clue. But know this. Forgiveness may be the road less traveled, but it's the road that I want to be on.
Be blessed....
jen
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